The Art of Tarof-ing

Oh man, it's embarrassing to see the date of my last post. In order for you to forget how long it's been since I've written, dear readers, I will distract you by giving you compliments. You look so nice tonight! Have you lost weight? I love what you're doing with your hair!

Now, on to the topic at hand. What the heck does the title of my post mean? Well, if you know anything about Persian culture, you probably know. Tarof is a Persian word. It's a verb and while it doesn't have an easy translation in English, it basically means being extremely polite and not coming off as a selfish pig. Since I am married to a man who is half Persian and now live close to a lot of relatives on that side of the family, I have had to learn about and acquire many aspects of the culture. I must say, I really do love it, although at times I have put my foot in my mouth. Who me??? For example, one of my hubby's uncles or amoos (he's not really even an uncle but we just call all close family friends that) was telling me that his brother and sister-in-law were coming for a visit. "Oh great", I said, "and how long are they staying?" My father-in-law glared at me and said, "In our culture we don't ask how long our guests will stay. It is considered very rude". Gulp. I guess you're just supposed to buy a month's worth of extra food and hope for the best.

And to tarof is a very complicated interaction between people. It's really a set of rules of politeness that carry over to all sorts of situations. Basically anything that you want, you can't ask for and if it's offered to you, you should act like you don't want it. Now me being a very opportunistic type of person has a hard time with this. So if you go to someone's house and they offer you a very comfortable chair, you should say, oh no, you take it. I'll sit on the floor. If they offer you some tea, you should say, oh no, that's too much work for you. If it's time for dinner and you haven't eaten in a week and you're feeling faint, you must insist on everyone going ahead of you. It's such a civilized concept, huh? I found this adorable video of a man teaching his sons about tarof:



So now you have it. Next time you go to someone's house, try it out. I think you will score major points in your hosts' eyes and they may even look at you as a sophisticated person. So with that , I say goodnight. Go ahead, you close the page first. No really, I insist. Please. Here - just take my computer - I don't really even need it... .