Birthday Parties are Ruining the World!

Look at all that junk up there. It looks pretty for a few minutes but then what happens to it?

Although I've lost my fervor a bit about this issue since my kid's birthday party was a couple of weeks ago, I still want to vent about this. Birthday parties, especially children's, are killing the universe. Strangling it, poisoning it. And I'm just as much to blame as the next schmo or schmoess. Think about, from the balloons to the crappy plastic party favors to the plastic forks and knives used to eat the crappy pizza and grocery store-bought cake, which probably has more plastic crap on top of it, you're doing more damage to the planet in one day than you probably do in a few months. Add some more plastic crappy games you buy for a jacked-up price at the party store, like pin the crown on the princess or Superman bingo, combined with the cheesy plastic tablecloths with pictures of Disney characters you use once since the sugared-up kids get all their pizza grease and cake frosting all over it. All this equals one big earth unfriendly event.

This is why I, most superior mother of the year, didn't really give my son (you know, the one to whom I so lovingly wrote the poem below) a birthday party. Sure, I still contributed to killing the planet by ordering pizza, buying a few crappy party favors and using Superman paper plates, but I just didn't put forth much energy in throwing him a party. I mean really, he doesn't exactly have any friends. Poor kid. He'll play with his big sister's pals and our neighbors, but sadly there are no boys his age around so he spends a lot of time with the ladies. So it was a very simple event with a few neighbors eating pizza and cake and running around outside our house. I threw a few plastic fish in a dirty ole' paint bucket and voila! Fishing game!

Boy am I a bad suburban mom.